Explosion of Thoughts

Do I block it out? Do I fight what I know I can't conquer? Where the hell do I go from here?

You know what I love about the Rockies? They embody my blog. Truly. Right before the beginning of the season, in an exhibition game against the Seattle Mariners, they pulled it all out. They were down something like 11-5 and they came back to tie it. The best part? They were rookies. The pitcher had been sent back down to triple A just a few days before, and he knew he was facing an incredible team, some argue the best in AL West. They just fought. And fought. And fought. They didn't win, though. That's the part that I struggle with.

What happens when I fight and fight and fight and fight and I don't win? Cliche: go fight some more! No. I can't. It's over and done and I've lost. So I accept it. And move on.

Courage is not a lion, roaring and bearing his ferocity. Courage is that small voice at the end of the day telling you, "I will try again tomorrow." That quote, or some variation of it that I can't remember, is on Parm (my choir director's) door. Life is seriously going to punch you in the face over and over and over again. And then when you get back up, it's going to kick you down again. It's inevitable. But it is your duty to drop kick it right back. Will you let life push you along or will you travel your own speed?

This past year has been unbelievably hard. We've lost 5 warriors. Granted, I've only known three, each loss has been like a shot to the heart. Three of the five were suicides, and another one of my friends is incredibly suicidal at the moment. I don't understand it. This is the ultimate end of perserverance. Suicide is not a success. It breaks my heart. But, with each death, as with every challenge in my life, every moment of adversity, I need to fight on.

Fight on.